Why Team USA NEEDS TO LOSE!

Well, this one should get some panties in a bunch. First of all I will disclose that the author loathes, despises, hates fucking soccer and the sooner the USA is out the sooner this Nation will start to regain strength and standing in the World. This backwards abomination is nothing but pussified mediocrity personified. “Well, you sound anti-American there Mr. Burgernazi! Don’t you want the USA to be good at everything?” NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If your Sister is a cocksucker, do you want her to be known for how good she is at it?! If your kid is a crayon eating, window licking, bed wetting retard do you brag about the pretty picture he makes while he is drooling on your passenger window on the way to the group home?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soccer is a fucking Socialist plot to weaken this great Nation and as a patriot I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! The only reason soccer even started in the USA is the result of lazy fucking parents. Most families have both Mom and Dad working (this is the result of our high taxes but that is a later rant) and they feel guilty and try to get little Mikey into a “sport”. Well, he does not have the coordination to play baseball or basketball yet. He isn’t big or smart enough yet to play football. HMMMMMM……what simplistic activity can we get little Mikey in? SOCCER! “Ok, Mikey. When the ball comes in front of you kick at it and when it’s over you get orange slices!! YEAAAA! And don’t worry, we won’t even keep score as to not hurt your precious, overblown sense of self esteem.” Now you listen and you listen good…..IF YOU HAVE A BOY WHO DOES NOT HAVE ANY PHYSICAL OR MENTAL PROBLEMS AND YOU HAVE HIM IN SOCCER YOU ARE COMMITTING CHILD ABUSE AND YOU ARE ANTI-AMERICAN!!!! As a former youth sports Coach for 15 years in football and basketball, soccer RUINS their ability to fucking think! They get used to running around at random and once they have to play in a structured environment they freak. And, in the case of football, CRY! I actually had a soccer Mom ask me “Can they not hit little Nathan so hard? He doesn’t like it.” Oh, ok. That night I broke out the “Bull in the ring” drill and little Nathan cried…..then quit. STOP RAISING PUSSIES!!!!!!
Why soccer will NEVER catch on in America, EVER!
Well the quick synopsis is…..it sucks.
And now down to details. First, Americans crave violence and contact (NFL, NHL, hell even the NBA at times.) while soccer encourages spasming on the ground with the slightest contact in order to invoke a penalty. Lying on the ground screaming after the slightest contact is un-American, playing through a REAL injury is American. Out comes the stretcher to cart this puss off of the “pitch” and after the penalty is called suddenly this euro is miraculously healed by the hands of Jesus himself and back onto the field this faking hero goes back to jog on for the remaining 90 minutes! How very John Wayne of him….. not! A “sport” that ENCOURAGES this behavior will never excel here. Secondly, we like action, not 90 minutes of JOGGING! A 3-0 NFL game still has action while a “nill nill” soccer match is about as enticing as dry humping a cheese grater. Third, and I get this a lot, “Soccer is the most popular sport in the World” guy. Want to know why? BECAUSE MOST OF THE WORLD IS POOR! American sports need money and infrastructure while soccer can be played with a rolled up piece of elephant crap and two trees. And before any Europeans get pissy with that remark remember the poorest of the poor here have the equivalent of an upper middle class lifestyle for a European. And since I have to get back to work I will wrap up with empirical evidence. Despite 30 years of youth soccer, the introduction of soccers greatest star,a soccer movie in his namesake that only pre-teen girls watched, the removal of a shirt by a flat chested soccer player after a game the ten’s of people watched and being force fed this crap almost to the level of the WNBA, MOST OF US STILL DON’T CARE. Events happen organically, if they are forced the host rejects the invading organism as it does not belong here. Good bye soccer, you will be missed by dozens I’m sure.
I am the Burgernazi and I aprove this message. Once again, like it then tell me. Hate it, jerk off with a carrot peeler.

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