For my peeps who have been here before, you know the following: It’s small, usually busy and we do not have the TIME for you to formulate your fucking order after you have called in! Here are some basics you should have ready BEFORE you dial the phone.
- How many fucking tards are you ordering for? Trying to figure this out on the fly is not only above a lot of “you people’s” pay grade but slows down the process. Few things are more aggravating than taking an order that should take 20 seconds but I hear the following “Hey Jim Bob, I got’s me Bomber on the phone so what do you want? A booger? Ok, I need two boogers.” (ME) “What the fuck is a booger?! Do you need a hamburger or a cheese burger?” (You) ” UUHHHHH, two boogers with cheese.” (Me) ” You mean cheese burgers? (You) “Uhh, yeah.” (Me) “Everything on those? Everything here is ketchup, mustard, onion and pickle with mayo on request.” (You) “Uhh, everything on it but mustard, onion and pickle.” (Me) ” So, ketchup only?” (You) “Uhh, yeah but no mustard, onion or pickle.” (Me) ” What the fuck do you not understand about ketchup only?!” (You) “……………………………ok but no mustard, pickle or onion.” (Me) CLICK. Three minutes of my productive life I will never get back because your single Mother didn’t have the fucking common sense to swallow you. How it should go: (Me) “Bomber burger!” (You) “I need to place an order.” (Me) “For here or to go?” (You) “To go. I need two cheese burgers ketchup only.” (Me) “It will be ready in 20 minutes. See you then.” Same potential transaction with no frustration in only 30 seconds.
- Know what the fuck you want on the burger! It’s not hard, trust me. And no, I WILL NOT PUT EVERYTHING ON THE SIDE!! Try to order a pizza that way and get back to me dick biscuit.
- CASH ONLY! It has been the same policy for THIRTY ONE FUCKING YEARS!!! I didn’t just spring this on you like the pregnancy test your girlfriend dropped on you in high school.
- Language. I am one of the most reviewed, longest tenured restaurants in the city (and highest rated!). One commonality these reviews have in common is, wait for it, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR SELF ESTEEM, FEELINGS OR SENSIBILITIES! If you are easily offended, find a drive thru.
I have had to go over the basics again as with the more awards I win, the more “newbees” I have been getting.
P.S. I FINALLY have an ice machine again!
I am the Burgernazi and I approve this message.