Long time, no rant minions! Your friendly, neighborhood Burgernazi is back after the year of being locked out from my own blog! As fucked as this year has been for us all, I have been the dirty washcloth cleaning hobo dick cheese at the bus station of 2020. Since there is a lot of shit, I will try to keep it in chronological order. February, one week before the Chinese flu kicked in, I was walking through Lowes to get wire nuts to finish a project and my left ankle was killing me. I stopped at the paint counter to get my composure and attempted to proceed to my goal. POP!!!!!!!!!! After releasing a noise that can only be duplicated by a pre-teen getting onto American Idol, four Lowes employees came in a hurry, I had partially ruptured my achilles tendon and it was audible enough they had thought a firearm was discharged. So at the ripe age of 47 I suffered the humiliation of riding the cripple cart to finish my errand. Four assistant managers helped me get into my truck, JOY! Call my Dr. and directs me to have surgery and rehab for a year, uh NO. Since he knows I won’t to that, he ordered me a walking boot I wore for two months until I could get my Fred Flintstone foot into my boots. NO. Time. Missed. So then the Chinese flu paranoia hits high gear and my expenses doubled and sales dropped. JOY! Then I show up to work one fine morning to discover some finer members of the Oaklawn community had thrown a rock through my South window and burgled the place. Did they get anything? No. Did they cause $1000 in damage in the process? Yes. The Sheriffs were able to get enough evidence to find the little bastards, so I felt secure in replacing the window since nothing screams “down town Detroit” like plywood! Well, two weeks later I arrived to an identical situation and called it in. Seems that even though they picked up the poster children for anal sex, they were juveniles and were released right after being processed. Hello plywood, my old friend! I replaced the window again but this time covered all windows with expanded metal, throw a rock at that you cum stains! Two weeks later I arrived to the back door pealed open like an onion with a crowbar. I guess I did such a good job on the windows a steel door was a easier option. So cliff note version, revenue down, $3000 in repairs and working through injury. Plus I am pretty sure I have funded the Evergy Christmas party this Summer alone! Now i’m approaching normality and trip over an anti fatigue mat and smacked my back on the walkin cooler handle, breaking ribs. So I am working on week two of sleeping in a recliner and getting about two hours of sleep a night. If you think this makes me cheerful, try again. So why the long drawn out oh woe is me diatribe? To get to the true cause of the Countries and my personal strife, THE MISSOURI QWEEFS!!!!!!!! In the fifty years and 22 days (look it up, I’m right) between Super Bowls we had a relatively tranquil, peaceful Nation. Now that a guy who sounds like Kermit the frog with a chia pet for hair that puts ketchup on steaks, for Gods sake, came along, the sea of red wearing mouth breathers has been given a jolt of artificial testosterone. Since they won, Chinese flu, up and down economy break ins and injury!! Coincidence, I THINK NOT!!! Now that every grocery store, Walmart and Target are out of brand new gear for these lifelong (yeah right) fans, I have a reminder for them……DADDYS BACK!!!!! Big Ben looks good, our defense is tops in most categories and we are still UNDEFEATED!!!!! Plus Steeler’s Nation has SIX rings and never went 50 years and 22 days in between! So get it out of your system “kingdom”, the NATION IS BACK AND PISSED! Order will be restored from here on out!
I am your long missing Burgernazi and I approve this message.
P.S. Now that my log in is secure and updated, be ready for more random prattling since I cannot sleep anyway.