Category Archives: Uncategorized

Culinary skills? Not in this post. The skill I wish to expound upon is the skill set involved in being a smart ass, as it is not as easy as some people think it is. First, it takes a quick wit as back and forth banter will occur and thinking on the fly is essential. Secondly, intelligence is the gas in the tank. If multitasking is beyond you, leave it to the professionals.  Last but not least, overall knowledge, because if your are ignorant of the topic, you will look like a crayon eating twat waffle. (It's rather tragic to watch, by the way.) Now that the ingredient list is out there we can move to the different species of smart ass: Carpet bomber and Sniper.

• Carpet bomber: This is the branch of smart ass that lays waste to the entire country side in a relentless barrage....

For my peeps who have been here before, you know the following: It's small, usually busy and we do not have the TIME for you to formulate your fucking order after you have called in! Here are some basics you should have ready BEFORE you dial the phone.

1. How many fucking tards are you ordering for? Trying to figure this out on the fly is not only above a lot of "you people's" pay grade but slows down the process. Few things are more aggravating than taking an order that should take 20 seconds but I hear the following "Hey Jim Bob, I got's me Bomber on the phone so what do you want? A booger? Ok, I need two boogers." (ME) "What the fuck is a booger?! Do you need a hamburger or a cheese burger?" (You) " UUHHHHH, two boogers with cheese." (Me) "...

I should never sell drugs as I would fail miserably. I have an item here in the shop that I introduce to all of you, jalapeno salt.  I get you fucking hooked like a rat on crack and keep giving it to you on my dime, pretty damn stupid. My Father discovered it over 20 years ago and I have maintained the tradition. Well, since we can't find it locally, I buy 35 lbs. a year for your needs direct from the manufacturer to refill my containers. In a lucid moment (Mrs. Nazi stopped beating me for a couple of days and I could think clearly!) it dawned on me that since I have dealer status with this company, I CAN ACTUALLY SELL YOU CONTAINERS OF JALAPENO SALT! So effective immediately, I have jap. salt for sale in the seven ounce containers for $6!  Now...

2015 was interesting and filled with improvements to the Bomber, including a re-surfaced bar and a new prep table, new beer selection, reorganized back room with a TV and a resurfaced floor. In addition, we won seven new awards (six for the burgers and a national one for the fries!) which has led to an influx of newbie's to the Bomber Nation, boy what a surprise for them! Breaking in virgins is usually rough for them as my "give a shit gland"died many years ago.  I have reprinted some shirts (the "things to do in Oaklawn" style) and have a few ideas for 2016, stay tuned. Now the bad news, I'm still in Oaklawn and the damn roof still leaks, shit. I haven't posted in a while as nothing has really pissed me off.........until now! HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU WINDOW LICKING, SISTER FUCKING TARDS...

With the huge decline in the United States is currently going thru, you can count on the BN to lead you through this mess. Enclosed is a guide to muddle through the current landscape.

• Liberal: Closet Socialist who is VERY "compassionate" with YOUR MONEY.
• Progressive: New term for liberal, since people have caught on to the term, that are a little more open about their Socialism. Want to change the greatest nation the world has ever known yet would not live in Cuba, China or any other country they admire even if you paid the air fare. Rather dangerous form of liberal.
• Millennial: A full generation of coddled, pussified, asshats with minimal work ethic living in their parent's basement surrounded by "participation trophy's". If you are offended by this, put down the Mountain Dew and get a fucking job.
• Trans gender: First, it's trans sexual....proper English people. Secondly, mentally...

For some of you in the know, I have returned from Pittsburgh/Canton for the HOF induction of the Bus!! I have saved for five years for this trip so just skip the "must be nice to blah, blah blah." bullshit. If you want all the details, get your ass down here but I will give you some lessons learned from the experience. First, if you visit Pittsburgh, take a cab or Uber.......PERIOD. The only way to describe the road system in Pitt is the following: Take an Exosketch,  put a black dot on both sides of the Exosketch with a Sharpie and hand it to an Autistic kid on meth and tell him to connect the dots! The results are the road system in Pitt! On top of that, there are over 700 staircases in Pitt that your GPS considers part of the highway system!...

Most of your refer it as July 4th but it is called Independence day. It is historic as we told Britain to fuck off and we wanted to live without overbearing government control and taxes. And something just stuck in my craw as the Oaklawn neighborhood was shooting off a shit ton of fireworks. A majority of which receive government assistance. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CELEBRATING INDEPENDENCE DAY WHEN YOU ARE DEPENDENT ON YOUR GOVERNMENT HANDOUT TO SURVIVE, YOU LAZY FUCKSTICKS?!?! How are you buying fireworks when you cannot even provide for housing, food or clothes without my fucking hard earned money? Oppps, I said earned! Probably a hate crime now a days. Instead, I paid for my home, business, utilities, cars, medical care, tv, on my own and bought fireworks WITHOUT GOVERNMENT HANDOUTS!  I would like to lock up these baby making, parasitic,...

OK, I have to disclose that I am a rather antisocial hermit, and have had negative experiences the few times I have went, I still do not see the fucking draw of Riverfest. Really, I JUST DON'T. I have suffered a traumatic brain injury before but have never hopped out of bed and said "Hey Mrs. Nazi! Why don't we spend money on buttons to walk down a PUBLIC STREET (that we have already paid for!), dodge unsupervised children, mingle with white trash with B.O., pay three times the market rate for food and beer and celebrate the river in which we can't even touch without contracting HERPAGONASYPHILAIDS!  Wait honey, where are you going? Come back....."! Now that I have put it in perspective, don't you feel like a window licking fucktard for going? Now take that button and shove it up your pee hole...

This didn't seem to bother me as much until I finally joined social media but I would like to be the first to say, in my best Chris Farley voice, YOU HAVEN'T DONE JACK SHIT!!!! Congratulations are in order for you finally leaving the incredibly dumbed down government school, other than that you have accomplished nothing! Now pack your luggage (if you have good parents, that should have been your graduation gift!), get a job and get the fuck out! Pack up you participation trophies from soccer and enter the real world, where your artificially high self esteem is no longer nourished, results matter and the score is kept! Now if it seems I am being particularly harsh, I am. Why? Because you are currently surrounded by sycophants (look it up, "graduate") that are tickling your balls over your "accomplishment". But I'm not all bad,...

If you regularly read my blogs, odds are that you are a meat loving, fat bastard that sweats gravy and  runs vegetarians over any chance you get, and I thank you for that! In an effort to get you ready for beach season, I am going to add cheese fries on a trial basis, because nothing tops off a 1200 calorie meal with a super mug and free entertainment like another few grams of cheesy saturated fat!  So your response to this offering will determine if it stays or goes, so spread the word my minions! Well, unless your one of these carb counting, lactose intolerant pusses. In that case, take the hint God is giving you and DIE! Fuck me, milk kicks your ass?! That's just bad genes Son, give up and go to the light before you breed. The gene pool has become...